Hey guys 🙂 Once again, it’s been a while since I have written. It’s been no easy feat taking care of these beautiful and rambunctious children, but WOW has it been a blessing. Nick has been gone since July 5th, training for his new job that he will have in Fairbanks, Alaska. Yes, you read that right, Fairbanks, Alaska, our next duty station. We will be leaving Yelm, Washington shortly after Nick returns home towards the end of November. I can’t say I am ready to leave Yelm, but I am ready for some new beginnings. Yelm has been our home now for three years, and each one of those years holds really precious and unforgettable memories for me. Yelm is where I have built my family, found some of my closest friends, and the place where I have come closer to the Lord than ever before. It’s a place I will never forget, a place that I will always hold close to my heart.

As I reflect back on my twenties on the last day of being in my twenties, I honestly think that these three years in Yelm have been some of the most important years of my twenties, and my life. During these years, God has taught me some REALLY hard lessons. I mean, like, BRUTAL. One of the hardest lessons He has taught me by far has been how to rely on Him for every need. Even though I would like to say that I have mastered it, I am FAR from it. I still rely on the things of this Earth way too much to satisfy my needs. I have learned just how hard it is to rely on the Lord for every need. It requires so much work, a lot of accountability, community, and so much sacrifice. It demands a complete denial of your old self, and an entirely new self that views and filters everything through the lens of God’s love, goodness, and faithfulness. It also calls for  complete trust and confidence in the Lord at all times, and an unrelenting devotion to prayer and His word.

Although relying solely on the Lord for everything is extremely difficult, it is what we were made to do. Humans were never meant to completely satisfy each other’s needs, desires, and deepest yearnings. We are absolutely incapable of that burden, and I have learned that lesson in my life the hard way. The more you try to rely on people, or anything of this world, the wider the hole in your soul and heart becomes. We were always meant to rely solely on God for our every need. But still, I fail every single day in this endeavor. The things of this world grab my attention away from the Lord way too much, and the worst part of it is that I let them. I am still much too selfish and prideful to rely on the Lord for every need. That is a hard pill to swallow.

Even though I have come to this realization, I am so thankful that God has revealed this harsh reality to me, and at still such a young age at that. At the beginning of my twenties, I was basically just starting out in life. I’d survived a rough break-up already, and I was in college. I had NO idea what I was going to do with my life, but one thing was for sure: I wanted someone to spend my life with. My whole life had been one huge cry for attention and acceptance up to that point. Even though I knew the Lord and was trying so hard to rely on him, I was still so lost and damaged by a life filled with rejection, loss, and hurt. Once I graduated and got married, I thought my life was complete. I thought that the hole I had felt my whole life would be filled, and that happiness would be mine. That was a gross miscalculation to say the least. Marriage is anything but easy, and the military spouse life…well it’s like playing a game on ultra hard impossible mode (at least for me it is).

But God has been so good. In fact, throughout my whole marriage and military spouse journey, those two words appear over and over despite every hardship I have experienced: “But God.” He has always paved a way for me in the wilderness and the despair, and has always provided water for me in the drought. As I reflect on my new decade that’s ahead, I feel so blessed and thankful for 30. I am so thankful that God gave me life, and my sisters and my brother life. As hard as my upbringing was, it made me who I am today, and set me up for the strong relationship that I have with the Lord now. For that I will be forever grateful. With God closely at my side, there is nowhere to look but up for me moving forward. 🙂

I am really hopeful and excited for the future ahead, and can’t wait to see what God has for me and my family in this new decade. I plan on focusing much more on my writing in the new year, so be sure to look out for that on Facebook! I love you all dearly, and thank you so much for reading my words. One of my biggest prayers going into this new year is that God would reveal to me my true calling in this life, the calling that would utilize the God-given skills God has given me to help and lead others to Himself. I have a good feeling that the best is yet to come. 🙂

“I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.” -Psalm 34:4