Its never easy going down the path less traveled on. As a Christian, I have chosen to go down the narrow path. However, little did I know that my marriage to Nick would lead me down an even more narrow path.

Nick is gone again for three weeks, but this time I won’t hear from him at all. The survival school that he just embarked on is nothing short of brutal and agonizing, so prayers for him during this time would be extremely appreciated.

So much of the military spouse life has been trial by error for me. I knew that being with Nick wouldn’t be easy, but I didn’t fully understand that it meant putting Nick’s career above my own. By no means do I regret it, I would not change it even if I could. It has just involved so much more change than I expected.

Now let me be clear. I am by NO means saying that I am more special, or exceptional than anyone else because I am a military spouse, and I hope that is not the message that my readers think I am sending. There are SO many other military spouses and soldiers that have it worse than my husband and I, so I am not going to pretend that I am them, or even that I am going to be them in the future. I think police officers and their wives are even more extraordinary and resilient than many military spouses, including myself. Those extremely strong women are especially incredible in my mind. My husband and I are extremely blessed, and excited for what God has for us and our future family.

I guess what I am mainly trying to do is just share what my experience has been like, and how it has impacted my life as a Christian woman. In my last blog post, I semi-shared about my college experience, and how I never really knew what I wanted to do. I knew that I loved to write, and that I was good at writing, but I let people put a finger in my face and tell me that it wasn’t going to support me later on in life. So I let people decide what my future was going to be for me, in a way.

If you know me, like really know me, then you know that I am SUPER anti-conflict. In fact, I can be sort of a doormat. I would rather help people and let them use me to help themselves then stand up and say “Hey, thats not healthy.” I have gotten way better at standing up for myself, but in other ways I haven’t. I am pretty sensitive, and I really love helping others and giving to others even if it means sacrificing myself.

The military spouse life is all about giving, and sacrifice. In a way, it is perfect for me and how God made me. In other ways, it has been extremely challenging. I have had to sacrifice things that I never thought I would have to sacrifice. No stable home, constantly starting over with friends and doctors, struggling to find a good job, always changing churches, being far from loved ones and family, the list goes on. My goal here though isn’t to complain and say, “Oh woe is me.” I don’t regret the road I have chosen. I chose it, and I take full responsibility. But I also want to emphasize that this road is not for everyone. It is for the few that can successfully endure, adapt, and thrive in constantly unstable circumstances.

So far, I have lived in Washington, California, Oregon, North Carolina, and now Alabama. I have no idea what God has in store for us next, and that is both exciting, and terrifying. But I can tell you, that God holds everything that I am anxious and worried about, and that he cares deeply about our future. I know that this journey is only bringing me closer to Him everyday, and that is the only thing that REALLY matters down here. In my last blog post, I emphasized the the struggle that is life, and how God reveals himself to us even more in the struggle. Without the struggle, we can’t understand how incredible, unfathomable, perfect, and infinite His love is for us.

So I do not regret going down this narrow road. Even though it has shown me how truly weak, unequipped, flawed, impatient, selfish, and sensitive I am, it is making me a better person every day. It challenges me, it fuels me, it pushes me to seek Jesus out, and persevere when my life looks so bleak. The military spouse life is an under-appreciated honor, and in many ways a privilege; but it isn’t for everyone. Its meant for those who can sacrifice themselves, and put God, their spouse, and their family above themselves.

Once again, by no means am I praising myself. I know that there are many couples out there who face extreme hardship, and who, against all odds, get through it and stay standing. My main goal is to share my personal experiences, what I have learned, and inspire others to keep going no matter what they are going through.

However, the military spouse life is very unique, and a life that I never thought I would choose for myself. It has pushed me so hard, and taught me so much about love, life, God, and hardship. I deal with anxiety and depression every day sometimes because of the difficulties that this life brings. Its hard to surrender sometimes, especially when you want to make something of yourself too. But it has taught me to surrender my life and ambitions to God, and trust in His plan for my life instead of my plan. I know deep down that He has something SO much better for me than what I have for myself. I just have to remember to surrender to Him everyday, which is a big challenge in itself.

I love you all, and look forward to sharing more of my journey with you. Thank you all so much for your prayers and support, they mean the absolute world. Always keep God first, and know that He will always bring you back to Him when you fall short. 🙂

Its crazy how a simple passage of scripture can really get you thinking about your life, and about God’s true character. This morning I forced myself out of bed, decided to go back to bed because I was too tired, and then mentally slapped myself and got back up. After that tumultuous episode with myself I decided to break open a new Bible study that I recently discovered through Instagram. It breaks the Bible down into two study books: one being for the Old Testament, and the other being for the New Testament.

I have done several studies and devotions in the past, but have had a difficult time finishing them or just sticking to them consistently. If you know me closely, then you know that I love to write… but that I hate to read. Well, I don’t HATE it, I just can’t keep myself and my mind still and focused for the duration that reading requires. That probably explains why I am such a game nerd, and why I was recently officially diagnosed with ADHD. But this study really drew my attention and I just had to give it a go.

The author, Zach Windahl, has quite an amazing and relatable testimony. He was a college student who, like me, became a product of today’s society. He got his Bachelors because he was told he needed it to succeed in life, worked relentlessly on projects that never fully came to fruition, and ended up broken and confused with life and all that he thought he had accomplished.

Who else reading this blog feels similarly to this guy? My initial thought was “Wow, been there done that. Now what, right?” He describes how he let others tell him what he was going to be or what he should be, and that he always struggled figuring it out for himself. So because he couldn’t figure it out, he went with what other people demanded he should be… and their demands were high. That encapsulates me and my life journey perfectly, right up until I graduated from college.

Right off the bat I was like, “Okay, this guy really gets me.” I remember the phone conversation that I had with family when I was an impressionable and undeclared freshman in college like it was yesterday. I have always loved to write, and I have always been good at writing, grammar, and the like. But I remember most of my family telling me, “Summer, you need to do something that is going to make you money. Being a writer won’t support you enough, go with a more reliable major… something you can do something with.” So, faced with my own insecurities, confusion about what I wanted to be, and fear of failure later on in life, I listened to voices instead of God’s voice. Honestly, I still do. Which brings me into Genesis.

I have always had questions about the events in Genesis. Not necessarily about the creation of Earth, but about why God decided to create man. Some of my questions have been the following:

1. Why did God create man if he knew that he would disobey from the start and have to be banished from paradise and spend his life in agony away from God?
2. Why put a tree in the Garden of Eden and tell man not to eat from it? Isn’t it obvious that the man is going to eat from it just out of sheer stupidity and curiosity? I mean, he was just created, how smart can he be?
3. How is satan allowed in the Garden of Eden? Was he supposed to tempt them all along to get them to fall into sin, or would Adam and Eve have done that on their own?

These are questions that have always been in the back of my head whenever I read Genesis, and when I reread Chapters 1-4 today, they were still there. Let me just preface this with this: I think it is completely okay to question the Bible and want answers to questions, but as a Christian we also have to understand that some questions will never be fully answered, or even answered at all. God asks us to trust and have faith in Him, and I trust and have faith in Him regardless of my questions.

But some things did come to light to me today regarding my lingering questions. Through my study I realized firstly that God longs for a relationship with His creation. He wants us to CHOOSE Him, and He wants us to want to choose Him. If we don’t get to choose Him, then we aren’t choosing out of love; we are choosing because its the only option, or out of fear. That answers my question about satan in the Garden of Eden. Not only was it a test of obedience, but it was also a choice that God was giving them, which was the choice to follow Him, or not.

Secondly, I noticed that God does not hold back in Genesis when it comes to lavishing everything on man, which is His ultimate creation. He wants the best for us, and He wants us to be happy, succeed, and thrive. BUT, we were designed to succeed WITH Him, not apart from Him. That is how we were made, and as a Christian this is an extremely important and fundamental fact that I am really 100% realizing today. A part from him, we are nothing.

However, a part of me still struggles with question number one. If Adam was destined to fall from the start, then why create us at all? I think I can mostly answer it now though. Its because God wants to show His love even more to us in our sin and rebellion. He wants us to realize what life is like without Him, so that we learn to love Him even more when we rely on Him and put our faith and trust in Him. For all the beauty there was in the Garden of Eden, nothing is as beautiful as what God did to save His creation from sin, and ultimate death. I think this following quote that I wrote down from a sermon I watched this recent Sunday pretty much sums it up: “I am thankful for my struggle because without it I wouldn’t have discovered my strength”.

Without the struggle, we don’t get the deep, intimate relationship that we so longly desire above anything else with God. All of our struggles here on Earth point to Him, His love, His forgiveness, His grace, and His mercy. He wanted us to see what life without Him would be like when we chose to go without him so that we would come to love and desire Him even more after we fell. We may have been doomed to fail, but Christ was ready from the very beginning to make a way for us to come back to Him regardless because of His love for us.

When I was reading the passage where Adam and Eve have the insanely short dialogue with the serpent I was like, “Wow, that took like 2 seconds, what morons. They were convinced that easily? Sheesh at least think it through. I wouldn’t have eaten that stupid fruit. Thanks a lot for the pain in childbirth Eve.” I mean, couldn’t they have gone to God and asked Him why the tree was off limits instead of listening to a random serpent?

But then I realized that I make the Adam and Eve decision every day. I choose whether to seek Him, trust Him, and obey His calling for us Christians to live close to Him, or go my own way and see how it turns out. You would think by now that I would have learned my lesson, but I am still the moron who usually looks at the day and goes, “Okay time to work and get my list done” without even a thought of what God might have for me that day.

Its not like bad things will happen all at once, but you get worn out and burnt out super easily, just like the author of the Bible study did. For some it may take a while and they will be happy at first with their own way, but they will eventually end up in misery wondering where their life went. For others they will notice it right away and want to get on track, but then they will quickly get blown off the track by life. For some, they will live their whole lives their way and think that their way creates meaning, but will ultimately fail to produce anything of real meaning. I think I am that second person all the time.

I am glad that I can admit that though and get back on track. Thats why Jesus died, so that we could have every chance we would ever need to come back to Him. Although I feel so weak all the time, and I feel like I am constantly failing others and myself, I know that Gods power can and will shine the brightest through me if I can only keep my focus on Him. Even when our focus isn’t on Him, He still never leaves us, and knows when we will come back out of our little self-centered worlds. Its the coming back that is the best part, because thats when I remember that I already have what truly matters and that it can never be taken away. Striving in this world and constantly stressing about worldly success doesn’t matter at all. What matters is an intimate relationship with Christ, and with others. Our ultimate goal as Christians is to share the Gospel with others so that they can find their way back to Jesus too.

You will never hear me say that living close to Jesus is easy. For me, its a constant uphill battle. But I hope that my journey and experiences will inspire those who are reading, and if anything just remind you that you aren’t alone in how defeated and worthless you may feel sometimes.

Just remember, like I am remembering today, that God is for you, loves you, and wants to have an intimate relationship with you. We have a relational God, who has paved a way for us to be with Him in Eden again someday. Let that be the reason you wake up and stay up today. 🙂

Wow, its been a while since I have written! I can’t believe how fast the time goes, especially when you are gearing up to move. You know, if I was talking to 21 year old me right now, and told her that she would someday live on the Oregon Coast, then North Carolina, THEN Alabama with her future husband, my 21 year old self would be absolutely shocked, and I wouldn’t believe it. I probably would have freaked out, but then I also would have been sort of excited for the future adventure.

Its insane how Nick and I have moved three times in the last couple years. As difficult as it has been, it has taught me so much about life, and about myself. I have always known that I am not a patient person, but these moving experiences have really shown me just how impatient I am. My struggle with depression was quite rough when Nick was gone for 5 months, and during that time I took on a lot more than I could chew in an attempt to keep my mind busy, and off of my annoying feelings. However I often felt overwhelmed, exhausted, and constantly unhappy with my performance, which led me into a deeper pit of depression at times.

But there were many beautiful moments and experiences that I had with people that I bonded with during my short time in North Carolina. I bonded with some incredible people at my church, including my pastor and his family. I also made some lifelong friends at the Coast Guard Exchange that really encouraged me, laughed with me, worked hard beside me, and taught me how to appreciate what I had in front of me.

When I look back at that period of isolation, I wish that I would have gotten more out of it. And when I say that, I really mean that I wish I would have slowed down, spent more time with the Lord, and focused more on improving myself instead of taking my mind off of myself and my situation. I guess my solution was to distract myself from my loneliness, depression, and feelings of inadequacy, when I really should have stopped, given those feelings to the Lord, and focused on self-healing.

In Sarah Young’s new devotional, entitled Jesus Listens, she talks about an experience she had in the introduction where her kids were traveling to Australia by themselves. She was very worried about them making this long trip, and it was constantly on her mind. As a result she was always praying about it. However she began to realize that her prayers were being fueled by constant worrying, and so she sought to change the way that she prayed. When she asked God for a better way, God helped her realize how she was constantly voicing her “concerns over and over, instead of thanking Him for how He WAS answering her prayers”.

In her words, thankfulness and praise go together extremely well, and I honestly had forgotten that. During my time alone, I was SO focused on the things in my life that I didn’t think were going well… I mean I think I still am and that its a work in progress. Its crazy how much time can be wasted on worrying and panicking and trying so hard to make things go the way you want them to go… and that was what I was doing. But I also would do the opposite and waste time when I got too overwhelmed or burdened with the tasks that I had put on myself. Worrying and constantly working towards goals does get some things done, don’t get me wrong. But more often, it creates an endless, twisted cycle where we end up feeling worn out, burnt out, and back to the miserable and overwhelmed place that we were at in the beginning.

What I realized too late was this: Thankfulness and praise give you an overwhelming sense of peace when you actually take the time to thank and praise the Lord for everything that He has done and is doing in your life. Instead, I took to worrying and performing better in my own life, thinking that I could make myself better with my own accomplishments and productivity. I mean, I still struggle with this every day, and its just how the world works sadly. The world values what we do and produce. It doesn’t really value how we are doing, which is why we have to be constantly valuing our wellbeing ourselves. But sometimes, juggling the two is a herculean feat. Especially for me.

My mom always says, “No one is going to take care of you if you don’t take care of yourself.” And you know, that is so true. People, in my experience, always fail me, and I am always failing people. But if I don’t take the time to look at myself, seek out the Lord, and put my wellbeing before productivity, then no one else will. The only one that you can ever rely on to fulfill you and heal you is the Lord Jesus Christ, and thats a fact. However its a constant struggle for me to sit, read His word, thank and praise Him for all that He has done and is doing when this world just keeps getting crazier and crazier by the day.

God offers unlimited grace, and thats also something I struggle to remember. But its hard to accept God’s grace when you feel like you are never doing as well as you want to do. This is my constant struggle, and I know that I am definitely not alone in this! Moving forward I am excited to work on myself, my relationship with the Lord, and share with you all my experiences and adventures here in Alabama and beyond!

I love you all so much, and appreciate everyone who showed me support, encouragement, and love during my time alone; it helped me more than you know! I really look forward to sharing more with you all soon 🙂

Hey y’all, it’s been a minute I know. I have been SO busy with two jobs, and taking care of a house and pets so I am sorry I haven’t been as daily as my blog suggests. Nick came home for Christmas and New Years and it was lovely. I got a taste of what it’s like to have him home, and it was wonderful. I mainly stayed off of social media because I just wanted to enjoy our short and treasured time just him and I. In a way, I wish he wouldn’t have come home because it was even harder letting him go the second time. But then again, it was SO nice having him to come home to, and having him for Christmas and New Years. I still had to work but, I would come home for lunch to him everyday I worked and it was so very nice to just see him, make him lunch or coffee, and chat with him about my day. Lately, I have been coming home to a crazy puppy and a meowy kitty, which is definitely better than nothing!

It has been a lot harder the second time. I see him everyday in places that are empty, which is very hard for me. When I come home now, there is no one to give me a kiss and welcome me home. I come home, fall asleep on the couch, make some dinner, maybe play some games on my PC or watch some TV, and then go to sleep way too late for my own good. Needless to say, it’s been a challenge. But during this time, I am really trying to figure out what God’s will is for my life. That in itself is a challenge given the busy schedule I have set up for myself; however I know that God is faithful and that He sees and understands my pain. He won’t give up on me no matter how many times I give up on myself.

There are definitely times though when I am like, “What the world is God’s will for my life?!” I went to college, I graduated and succeeded in that, I got married, now what?! I know that I love to write, and that I love helping people. I know that I have skills that are useful, and yet getting a job is like finding a needle in a haystack these days. I also have two more moves in my future which, makes things even more challenging in the job and life department. Oftentimes I find myself asking God for peace and comfort, when I should also be asking Him for wisdom. However I also get stuck in my own misery, and often stay in it too long to realize God’s faithfulness, and the pieces of his plan for my life. If I was to be completely honest, sometimes I let myself stay in self-pity. Sometimes I don’t want to fight the struggle, I just want to sit in it and be in my feelings.

However I know that this is not what God wants for me. At the end of the day and the feeling, He is always there to offer his blessings, wisdom, and help. But we have to seek it! And thats the hardest part sometimes with how much this life values busy-ness and productivity. That is definitely the hardest part for me. Most of the time, the last thing I want to do is come home and crack open my Bible. It’s not natural at all, but we need to fight for it. And when we fight for it, God comes close to us and reveals to us His love and encouragement; and in time, His plan for our lives. This is what I am searching for within this season of being alone, and I could definitely use some prayer and encouragement from you all during this time. Sometimes (more often than not), I feel like this life is nothing but pain; but God always reminds me that there is so much more to this life if I just remember to seek Him out. I love you all, and I hope 2022 is showering you all with blessings 🙂

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Hey ya’ll, I know its been a while since my last post. Life has been a little hectic lately with Nick leaving for the Army and all. It has been one week since Nick left, and I can honestly say that it hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be. However, it has definitely been a challenge. I find myself missing Nick most terribly everyday. This home, while lovely, is so empty without him. Thankfully, I have been given a temporary raise and full time position at my current job, which should help me take my mind off of missing him even more. I have also acquired an online job writing articles for a game guide company, which I have very much enjoyed 🙂 In addition, I also have my crazy almost two year old puppy Kobe, and my cuddly three year old cat Charlie to take care of. Also… constant chores and house upkeep. So, needless to say, I have my hands full.

This first week has opened my eyes to a few things. First thing: Generating motivation is extremely hard when you are lonely. If you, my reader, have read my previous posts, you know already that I struggle with anxiety, depression, and motivation, which are all exacerbated by my thyroid disease. Motivation has been even harder for me these days. Lately, I have been realizing how much Nick helped me feel motivated, loved, and encouraged. I find myself even missing our arguments, and his pesky reminders to turn off the lights, fans, and doors. I miss his smile, his embrace, and his butt-headed-ness even more these days. But mostly, I miss his smile. It’s just my absolute favorite, especially in hard times.

Second: I have realized how busy I try to keep myself, despite my struggle with being motivated. Lately though, I have been doing everything that makes me feel like I am being productive so that I can make up for those times (which are many) when I feel cruelly unmotivated. Its like I am constantly playing catch up, which can be a very demoralizing and overwhelming feeling. This feeling can then make me feel even more unmotivated and depressed sometimes depending on how unproductive I have been. It is a vicious cycle that creates a pattern of hyper anxiety, bad sleep, and depression.

Finally and thirdly: I have realized just how much I neglect the Lord in all of this. I wouldn’t say that I never think about him or ask for his help, but I don’t trust him enough to get me my through my tough times. Most of the time, my solution is to try and be more productive so that I can feel better about myself. This solution never works though, because no matter what I do its never enough to make me feel satisfied with myself. Spending time with the Lord is always something that gets curbed, which is exactly what the enemy wants. If I forget the Lord enough, then I will stay in this unmotivated, depressed, and anxious state and I will quickly deteriorate. Therefore it is crucial that I do not forget the Lord in all of this, and believe you me its a constant struggle. I am always battling my inner insecurities and demons, but what I can say is this: God never leaves. He is always there, just waiting for me to turn to him. I am so often caught up in my own feelings and insecurities that I lose sight of the one that can truly make me feel satisfied.

What the world deems as most important is never what is most important. For me, it’s been making enough money to sustain myself, and being the most productive that I can be. Seeking the Lord and his counsel, marinating in his presence is the most unpopular activity in this world. I have become much too influenced by the world these days. I need so much more of the Lord and his presence in my life. This is the most important thing that I have realized, and I am convinced that if I can get better at it, then all my other feelings, problems, anxieties, insecurities, will quickly fade away.

It’s interesting though how much of life is tragedy and hard times, and the good or bad that comes out of them. In my life there has been bad, but so much more good has come out of those bad times than bad. Sometimes though, I feel like I am being swallowed whole, and that I can’t get out of those hard times no matter how hard I try. The constant fear of failure is always at my side, while the Lord is just a figure in the shadows. If you have ever felt the same way, or if you do feel the same way, I encourage you to not lose heart. I feel as though I lose heart daily, but like I said: The Lord never leaves you. He hears you, he feels you, and he loves you more than you know. He helps you the most when you cling to him, no matter what the world says and no matter how you are feeling. It is an uphill battle down here, theres no doubt about it, but because of what Jesus has done on the cross, we can already call ourselves victorious no matter where we are in life, as long as we believe in him.

Week two has started, and I am hoping that it gets easier before it gets harder. Thank you all so much for your encouragement and prayers, please do keep them coming. I will be updating this blog as the weeks go by. I am looking forward to sharing more of my journey with ya’ll 🙂

And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you. Romans 8:11

Lately, I have been dreading the future. I often dread the next day because that means I am one day closer to losing my husband for 4-5 months. Nick will be leaving in November, which… is scary close. He will be going to Army boot camp in Missouri, and attending school for the WOFT program in Alabama. While I am very excited for him and his new adventure that he has worked so hard to get, I often find my heart heavy. I don’t think any woman in my position would be saying, “Wow I just can’t wait until my husband leaves so that I can be alone!” Unless, of course, you are someone who thrives in that kind of situation… and well if thats the case then 1. You might be slightly crazy, and 2. Please teach me your ways.

I would definitely not characterize myself as someone who is excited about change. I don’t really see change as an opportunity to embark on a new adventure, or discover something new about myself. I more view it as, “Wow thats just a huge pain in my rear end.” I don’t welcome change, I fear change… especially if it has to do with being by myself for long periods of time. When I was growing up, I was definitely the most independent of my three sisters because I didn’t really fit in with them. I was a nerdy and shy tom boy, loved video games, and was always focused on my grades in school. In fact, I was much closer to my brother than my two sisters. Being alone back then wasn’t that bad. If anything, it was the feeling of not fitting in (or being the oddball), that hurt me the most. I always had a hard time finding people that understood my humor, had similar interests as me, and had the same conservative Christian values as me. Honestly, that struggle has not changed. But when you find the love of your life that understands you and loves you more than most, it is hard to just let them go especially if you are someone like me who has a hard time finding friends. I think that God is teaching me more and more these days how to rely on Him and Him alone, especially when friends that I thought I could rely and depend on are just not there. Relying on the Lord and his love and fulfillment is something I am REALLY going to have to improve on going into this season of “singleness” and self-improvement.

When Nick and I were coming home from the Outer Banks the other day, I looked up at a billboard that surprisingly had a Bible verse on it. The verse was 2 Timothy 1:7: “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” Do you, my reader, think that God can speak to people through a billboard? I honestly think that sometimes He does. In this moment, I knew He was speaking to me because of how often I had been stressing about Nick leaving. I have also just been worried about Nick in general, and how he is going to be broken by the Army. Most people that I have shared my concerns with just say, “He chose this, don’t feel bad for him. He is going to be just fine.” In my head, I am slapping these people square across the face. 1. How do you know that he is going to be “just fine”?, and 2. You aren’t his significant other, so you don’t care about Him like I do. 3. I know that Nick is capable of handling it, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t worry about his spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being. Any wife that loves her husband deeply would.

But God has been watching these thoughts of mine, and I know that He understands my pain. This verse spoke volumes to me, and continues to be my constant comfort these days. The idea of replacing my fear with power and love is especially poignant. Love and power are from God, but fear is NEVER from God, and I have had to really remind myself of this. I sometimes think that God uses fear to bring us back to Him, but that is not his character. Instead, He allows us to experience fear so that we can learn how to overcome it with His power and love. However, in order to receive this power and love, I have had to tune into His presence A LOT more. I have realized that when I feel the most discouraged and downtrodden about life, I am usually not tuned into the Lord’s presence enough, or really at all. Its an act that I have to constantly remind myself to do because the world is always trying to pull me away from God, and stomp all over me with to-do lists, rejected applications, chores… you name it. I am always having to remind myself, in the midst of life’s constant curve-balls, that God is the most important, and that clinging to Him is how I will get through it. Clinging to people, as I have experienced SO many times, will only get you so far. People tend to always disappoint and fall short, which sometimes makes me fall into deeper discouragement and depression. But what I have had to remind myself of also is that this is natural. People weren’t meant to fulfill other people completely, only God can do that. He literally has to remind me of that periodically at this point because of how often I forget.

I know that I am not the only one that forgets. We all fall short, and we all disappoint one another; I know I have disappointed my friends just as much if not more than they have disappointed me. But my main message today is this: God wants us to replace fear with is power and love, but it takes work. It doesn’t just come overnight, and it doesn’t come after reading scripture once. Its a day-to-day routine that we need to do consistently to feel His presence, and receive His power and love. Even though this routine falls through the cracks more often than not, God is quick to show his grace and compassion because He knows how hard life is. Showing me that verse on that billboard was His way of reminding me of His presence, and reassuring me of His love for me. I pray that you, my reader, will be encouraged by my experience, and will know just how much the Lord cares for and loves you no matter what season you are going through. 🙂

Sometimes, it’s hard to be positive about life. It’s hard to be happy, and it’s hard to feel motivated. Today has definitely been one of those days for me. I literally stepped outside to let my dog out, felt the heat and humidity on my skin, and said to myself in my head, “Yep, not going outside today.” This is a decision I am faced with every single day… and if I was to be completely honest, I choose the AC 90% of the time.

This North Carolina heat and humidity has definitely taken some getting used to. However, lately I have been reluctant to even get used to it. It usually just drags and weighs me down, and if I am feeling especially fatigued or crappy, it drags me down even more so. At night though, and sometimes in the evenings, I really enjoy going outside to see all the wildlife that teems in my front and backyard. Nick and I have seen lizards, bunnies, dragonflies, fireflies (or as the people here like to call them, lightning bugs), crickets, and butterflies. Even seeing the wide variety of spiders and bugs around my yard brings me happiness and ignites my spark of curiosity. Moments like this, little blips of curiosity and wonder, definitely help me in my daily quest for happiness and positivity.

Lately, fatigue and the lack of motivation have been my very close companions. These companions are often whispering in my ear, dictating to me what I should and should not do… and, once again, if I was to be honest, I listen to them. I am the kind of person that is easily affected by external factors, such as the heat or the cold, but I am also heavily affected by emotional factors, such as depression or anxiety. Although I would consider myself a pretty sensitive person, I can be a very strong person when I need to be. Naturally, however, I would consider myself a very low energy person. I struggle with finding within my self the strength that I need to get through every single day. Sometimes I wake up, and I just don’t want to wake up. I give in to my companions, and I choose the more discouraging path.

I know that this idea of giving into fatigue, depression, and anxiety is not uncommon. It is something that we all deal with at one point or another. Much of my fatigue is linked to my thyroiditis, however I know that even without my thyroiditis, I am prone to thoughts of self-doubt, insecurity, anxiety, and depression. That is me, that is who I am. But lately, I have realized that the only thing that I can do to fight and defeat these feelings is to boldly go. It is a choice that I sometimes (well, a lot of times) side-step when I wake up, but a choice that I have been frequently coming back to in the afternoon. It is mainly a change in mindset, despite how I am feeling. Sometimes it causes me to be more physically productive. At other times, it helps me focus way more on God’s word and what He is trying to tell me that day. My mind is weird in that, I ll sometimes prioritize physical productivity over leaning on God’s word and wisdom, when in reality it is God’s word and wisdom that usually puts me in a better mindset to be physically productive. I think its because sometimes, I don’t feel like I am being productive when I am sitting down and reading God’s word. My mind is overactive, and often veers away from the word to think about other things that are worrying me or giving me anxiety. This is my constant battle, and I am sure it is a battle that many of you experience as well. I so often let my insecurities and emotions get in the way and deter me from the path that, in reality, is the most productive and positive path. When I choose to boldly go, despite how I am feeling, I sometimes fail. I bring myself down, and I fall back into the whispers of my two unhealthy companions. But even when I fail, God is gracious enough to come beside me still, and remind me that He is with me, and that I am never alone. This gives me hope, and helps set my confidence in Him and Him alone.

So that is my message for you today, to boldly go no matter how you are feeling. Somedays you will fail, maybe even miserably like myself. But God is always there to remind us that we are His, and that the Holy Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead is in us (those who believe) and waiting to be used. If you are like me you are stumbling around trying to figure out how to consistently access this power we have in Christ. If you are even more like me, you are also trying to figure out how to do life on a day to day basis. If you are even MORE like me, you are also faced with the serious and daily decision of whether to go outside or not (I am sure I am the only one in that lol!). Just know that you are never alone. Your feelings, insecurities, and struggles matter to God, and at the end of the day, He is the only one that can give you the strength and hope that you need to boldly go successfully.

Hello everyone! My name is Summer Watts, welcome to my blog! 🙂 Thank you so much for visiting it, and I hope that this blog inspires and encourages you, and points first and foremost to Jesus. For such a long time, I hesitated making a blog because, to be quite frank, I did not think anyone would care to read what I had to write. I struggled with finding the motivation to write because I felt like my words did not really matter. I was also having a really hard time finding my words. I just couldn’t decide on what I wanted to write about. Finally, I decided that the best thing I could write about was myself, my struggles, my triumphs, my failures, and my day-to-day thoughts on, well life! I know that the Lord has guided me here for a reason, and I am really excited to share with you everything the Lord has done, and everything that the Lord is doing in my life.

As many of you may know, my husband Nick and I recently moved from our home in Astoria, Oregon to Elizabeth City, North Carolina. Nick is an AMT (helicopter mechanic) in the Coast Guard, and due to his work we are moved from one duty station to another every 3 or so years. By the grace of God, Nick finally got accepted into the WOFT (Warrant Officer Flight Training Program) for the Army! As a result, both of our lives will be undergoing a significant amount of change within a rather short period of time. What I hope to do is document much of that change and how I handle it (both positively and negatively) here! It is going to be a very exciting but also tumultuous and difficult journey, and I hope that my side of the story will do nothing but encourage, inspire, and occasionally entertain lol!

Another topic that will shape and direct my blog will be something very personal. As some of my close family members and friends may know, I suffer from an autoimmune disorder called Hashimoto’s Disease. The link that I have provided within the previous text will give you a quick run-down on what the disease exactly is, its symptoms, and its complications. I found out that I had this disease when I was a freshman in college. I was also diagnosed with ADD at the same time, which I am sure has been at least partially caused by my thyroiditis. Over the course of 4-6 years, my thyroiditis has steadily gotten worse, and more complicated in nature. Although it is by no means a fatal disease, it is definitely a very real and painful struggle that I have had to endure and adapt to. So, you may be asking this question right about now: why am I telling you all of this?

Well, like I said, for a long time, I struggled with starting a blog because I had NO idea what I wanted to write about. I also just didn’t think anyone was going to care about what I wrote. I wrestled with these self-esteem-rooted issues for a long time, telling myself that I was going to start writing but, I didn’t. However, I am here today to open up about my story not because of any outstanding power or strength that I have, but because of the power and strength that the Lord has given me. I won’t pretend that I have this power and strength everyday… on the contrary I feel powerless and weak most of the time. But God is there, and my central message is this: He is there for you too, no matter what you are going through. It is an ongoing, grueling, monotonous, and often infuriating struggle here on Earth, but there is so much beauty in this struggle. I hope that my personal struggles, triumphs, and failures will inspire, encourage, and challenge many of you to be the best person you can be. And if any of you are suffering from a physical condition like me, whether it be similar to mine or not, I hope that this blog will especially encourage and enlighten you.

Welcome to my story. 🙂