Hey y’all, PHEW it’s been hectic but amazing over here in Yelm, Washington with our new little addition, Mr. Wayne William Watts ❤️. I prayed for a son, and God bestowed upon me a son, and I am so thankful for that answered prayer (although I would have been thankful for a healthy girl too). I didn’t realize how much I missed the baby snuggles until I had another baby. It’s been pure exhaustion, but total bliss. 

In other news, our future is very much up in the air with the military, so we are anxiously waiting to hear what God has in store for us. If you’re curious about the details of that, Nick is the better person to ask than me, but long story short the Apache units here are getting axed, and Nick is an Apache pilot. He’s looking into reclassing and potentially doing something else in the military, but we aren’t sure if that will happen or not. So prayers for that would be greatly appreciated. 

As for me, I have felt God nudging me for a while now to share my testimony. I have said in other blog posts that I was going to share it, but I kept coming up with reasons as to why I shouldn’t. The one I thought of the other day was “eh, no one will really care about it, why bother.” Another reason I came up with was “what if people raise their eyebrows at it? I don’t think I want people to think of me different.” Another one was, “I don’t really have time, I am exhausted”, and yet I found time to do other things instead. I think I’ve been giving into satan’s whispers in my ears, and I am going to stamp those out today. I am going to share my personal, unique testimony with y’all. I want to share it in the hopes that it will encourage, inspire, and enlighten those who are believers, or aren’t believers. I also hope that it will make those who read it feel like they aren’t alone in their struggles. So, here goes. 

Now, a testimony for a Christian is the story of how a Christian came to dedicate their life to Jesus. Some people have very impactful testimonies that involve life shattering events or extreme trials that led them to Jesus. These testimonies are often viewed as the most effective in leading people to Jesus, and for good reason. However, for many (not all) that grew up in the faith like me, we don’t have jaw-dropping testimonies. In fact, they are often really dry and boring since we have been raised up in the faith our whole lives. Now many who are raised up in the faith their whole lives turn away from the faith, and often come back to it in an incredible and inspirational way. Me, well that’s not necessarily the case. 

I’ve always loved Jesus, however I’ve never loved Jesus as much as I do now. As dysfunctional and traumatizing as my upbringing was in a broken family, my parents did a fantastic job at teaching me and my siblings the love of Jesus. They also put us in vacation Bible school and countless other church functions that helped bring us up in the faith exponentially. So I’ve always had Jesus in my life, to a pretty good degree. 

I didn’t really understand how important my relationship to Jesus was though until my sophomore year in college. I was online dating at the time, and had been doing it for a little while. The college I went to was very liberal, and it was extremely difficult to find men who shared my Christian values. At that time, I had never dated. I was 20, and desperate to find love. I’d been dreaming about finding a man that would complete my Hollywood romantic drama expectations. Since I didn’t get a good view of what love looked like in my home, I went to movies. Oh, how silly I was. But, that’s just what I thought at the time. I didn’t know what it looked like in real life, so I assumed that what I saw in the movies had to be a somewhat decent depiction of it. And I really thought that finding that person would bring me the happiness that I thought I was missing in my life. So I searched, and searched, and searched. After a bunch of duds, and a whole lot of toads, I finally found someone really special. 

Now, long story short, our relationship was very tumultuous. He loved me when I didn’t love him, and I loved him when he didn’t love me. During the time when I loved him and didn’t want to accept that he had moved on from me, I was a total wreck. I was at rock bottom. I was the most depressed that I have ever been. I beat myself up, and I yearned for someone that God had steered on a different path. I let it consume my thoughts, and my life. It was like I was putting every ounce of my self-worth into it. It was pure misery.

On one not so special day, my mom and I went to a thrift store over summer break. At that time, I was living with my mom and pining over my lost love still. We got to the thrift store, and I decided to stay in the car while my mom went in. I thought about my lost love while I was in the car, and fell into a deeper sorrow. I remember praying, but I don’t remember my exact prayer. I just remember being in so much emotional pain. I felt so frustrated, sad, and broken-hearted. I felt like I had something so special, and that I had thrown it away. How could I get this man that I loved back? Was it really over between us? Could I convince him to give me another chance? Those were the thoughts that consumed my mind. Eventually, I got tired of waiting by myself in the car, and ventured into the thrift store. This is when things get crazy. 

So I was looking around, numb with pain, and I and was most likely annoyed that my mom was taking so long (sorry mom😂). I came across a frame that had a letter in it, and I just happened to look at it and read it. This is what it said. 

Since it’s in a cursive that may be hard to read, I ll type it out underneath the picture.

“Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone. To have a deep soul relationship with another. To be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God to the Christian says no, not until you’re satisfied and fulfilled and content with living, loved by Me alone and giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me, to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone. I love you My child and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me, exclusive of any one or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings.

I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait. Don’t be anxious and don’t worry. Don’t look around at the things you think you want. Just keep looking up to Me, or you’ll miss what I have to show you.

And when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would ever dream. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready, and until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I’ve prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and this is Perfect Love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with Myself. Know I love you.

I am God Almighty, believe and be satisfied.”

I stopped dead in my tracks.

Wow. Just wow, I thought. This was exactly what I needed to hear, but had not heard and, frankly, didn’t want to hear. God saw my suffering and my pain when I thought he wasn’t listening at all. He saw my tears, and how torn up I was inside while I was sitting in my mom’s car. Up to this point in my life, I had been doing exactly what this message told me not to do. I had been planning, and wishing, and it was all that occupied my mind. I was so lonely, so hurt from my upbringing, and so ready for someone to love me. I was thoroughly convinced that that someone was supposed to be that “special someone”, a partner relationship, and the kind that I had seen in movies to boot. “If I can get that kind of love”, I thought, “I wouldn’t be so lonely. I wouldn’t be so sad, and I would be “completed” by someone else (Jerry McGuire reference). I would finally be happy. I would finally be satisfied.” But when I read this, that idea was shattered in an instant.

Okay, so here comes the part where some of you, maybe some of my fellow Christians, might be thinking, “hmmm… I wonder if Summer is over-spiritualizing this. This could have been coincidence, I am not sure if this was God.” For those who don’t know the term “over-spiritualize”, “over-spiritualizing” happens when someone takes random things that happen in everyday life, and assigns spiritual meaning to them willy-nilly. When someone “over-spiritualizes” things, it means that they are giving so much spiritual meaning to things to the point where it’s hard to take it seriously. With my post-pregnancy brain, that’s the best way I think I can describe it. It can be a real problem in the faith because the misinterpretation that comes from it can create false messages, mislead people, and turn many people away from Jesus. 

And you are right. There’s a chance it was. However, I truly believe that it wasn’t. I felt the Holy Spirit boldly speak to me through this message, and the highly specific content that is in the message is WAY beyond mere coincidence. I truly believe that God saw and deeply felt my pain in the car that day, and graciously decided to help put me back on track with that live-changing and beautiful message. Now did God actually write it? I don’t know. I mean, I’d sure like to think so, especially since the final line is “I am God Almighty, believe and be satisfied.” It sure seems like it was based on the way it was written. However, even if he didn’t, it was still a message that God wanted me to read, and store securely in my heart and mind. Had this message been for someone else prior? I am sure it could have been. But even if it was, it was for me then, now, and always. It changed my life. I grabbed the frame, and my mom bought it for me. I have it to this day. 

I still really struggled after that day. But something in me definitely changed. A seed was planted. I realized what I needed to do even though I was still in the thick of my pain: I had to fully rely on Jesus for EVERYTHING. I realized that I had relied on people for satisfaction and happiness my entire life, even though I had known and loved Jesus my whole life. I loved him, but I didn’t put him in charge of my life. He was there, but on the sidelines of my life just watching and waiting for me to come to him. That day, in my pain and suffering, he listened, and intervened, and I am forever grateful that he did. That message that he gave me that day has echoed in my ear constantly since then. I still struggle, and always seem to rely more on people than I should, especially when things are going well. But my entire view of Christianity changed drastically that day. It was no longer about finding happiness through people. It was about finding joy, satisfaction, and peace in him and him alone. It was about making him my first love. 

Like I said, I didn’t just master it right away. I still struggle a lot with this. I mean, who doesn’t want to rely on someone that’s close to them for their happiness? People are right in front of us, they can hug, kiss, encourage, comfort, and be physically there for us when we need it. They can also hurt us beyond all measure, but when things are going well, it’s amazing. But when they aren’t going well, and people fail us, where do we go then? Alcohol? Drugs? People that aren’t good for us? Those are just a few. But they all have the same thing in common: they overpromise and under-deliver.

God is there, but it takes hard work to access him on a day-to-day basis. A deep and loving relationship with him is a lifestyle, it’s a discipline. You can’t just call him up and expect him to answer clearly and immediately like a close friend would, and even when you’re extremely close to him sometimes it can be a real challenge. He’s not physically in front of us. But, he can talk to us, and we can feel his presence if we work hard at being in a relationship with him. Most people however don’t want to do the work, which is why they choose to look for satisfaction and happiness in people. They choose a luke-warm relationship with God, and a full-time relationship with people. That is what I did. These relationships satisfy us in the moment, but it’s always short-term. It’s like drinking Coca-Cola for hydration. It’s delicious, but it has too much sugar, dehydrates you, and is horrible for your body if that’s all you drink. Being in a relationship with God is like drinking water, just plain old water. But the more you drink, the better you feel, and the healthier and happier you become. Don’t get me wrong, you can still drink Coca-Cola and enjoy it. God wants us to have those HEALTHY human relationships, those are his gift to us. But the more you rely on it for your sole hydration, the more your body starts to deteriorate.

I continue to learn this lesson over and over: No matter how perfect you think your circle of friends or your spouse is, they will always hurt you. It’s just inevitable. But God offers us a perfect love that surpasses any human relationship. But like I said, it’s work. HARD work. God waits for us to come to him to access this love, he doesn’t force us. If he did force us, it wouldn’t be genuine. We have free will to choose what’s best for us, or what’s bad for us.

When things are going well, I tend to rely on people much more than I should. Then when things take a wrong turn, I realize that I need to recalibrate and put my sole focus on Jesus during the bad, AND the good so that the bad isn’t so bad. It’s a constant discipline that’s difficult to master if you aren’t soaking yourself in the word, praying, and spending alone time with the Lord. It’s so much easier to grab a friend and rely on them. But they can’t take the weight. Jesus is the only one who can take the weight of everything we carry. He is the only one who can satisfy, and give us true peace. The perfect love that he offers, that quenches every soul, heart, and mind, cannot be found in anyone or anything in the world. It can only be found in him.

The above highlighted message that I received that day drastically changed my life, and continues to shape the way I live, my relationships, and my faith. Every time a friend, my spouse, or a family member lets me down, I remember that they were not meant to carry the weight that I am putting on them. Instead of getting angry and insecure, (which I still get sometimes), I try my hardest to find him, and and relinquish that weight onto him. Every time I choose Jesus instead of the world, I grow closer and closer to Jesus. The closer to Jesus I am, the more peace, satisfaction, and joy I have. Good times are sweeter, and hard times just bring me closer to him.

I can’t emphasize it enough. I still really struggled after that day. My pain didn’t just poof, disappear. I still was very heartbroken. But I eventually confronted the man that I was in love with one final time, and he made it very clear that God was calling him down a different path. God made that very clear to me yet again. And one random night, at 3am, I decided to open my dorky Christian dating app, and I ran into Nick. I swiped right and the rest is even more proof of Gods goodness, mercy, and faithfulness. That is for another time.

If you have made it this far, thank you so much for reading my story. I hope it has really encouraged and comforted at least one person. My story is proof that God can show up at any time and anywhere, and that he can talk to you in so many different and miraculous ways. I knew God was talking to me that day through what I had read, and that he had put it into my path on purpose. It wasn’t mere coincidence, it was Jesus. I am so thankful for that day, because it changed the way I view my relationship with Jesus, and my life forever ❤️.

Feel free to share my testimony with others if you think it will encourage someone, and/or feel free to share your testimony in the comments down below, or with me personally. I would love to read about some of y’all’s stories. I am excited to share more about where God is going to take us next… when I know 🤣 I love y’all, and I will check back in with y’all soon ❤️.

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:37-39

We love because he first loved us.

1 John 4:19