Hey y’all! Gosh what a rollercoaster it’s been lately. So much has happened since my last post; good things, but also very challenging things. I still can’t believe that I am pregnant again… and this time with a B-O-Y! 

I prayed to the Lord that He would bless me with a boy, but knew that it could easily be a second girl, and so when He gave me a son, I was filled to the brim with joy. It’s funny too, because I told my friend who helped me do the gender reveal that I did feel sad it wasn’t another girl for some reasons, and of course she rolled her eyes because I had told her how much I wanted a boy (which was fair haha). But now that it is a boy, I feel like it’s a new and exciting frontier, and so I am so grateful for that, since this pregnancy was completely unplanned. 

If I was to be completely honest, I wasn’t exactly ecstatic about having another baby so soon. The first word that came out of my mouth when I found out was, in a word, colorful. But God has really been working on me, and reminding me of his amazing provision and perfect plan in my life during this time. He has spoken to me words of renewal, clarity, and above all, love. He has really been trying to remind me that it’s not about how much money you make, or how much work you get done, or how many friends you have; it’s all about Jesus, what He has done for you, what He is trying to teach you. It’s about allowing His plan to take full effect in your life, and about doing your best to honor Him in everything that you do. I am REALLY learning that the only true satisfaction that lasts comes from Jesus. 

In SO many ways, I have had to learn this lesson the hard way. I have relied on people, money, and circumstances throughout my entire life, and He has brought all of those things to ground zero so that I would wake up and listen to Him, and His key message to me: that NOTHING in this world satisfies like He can. 

And for a while, it sits in well. I feel it, and I stick to it, and I feel His love and comfort like nothing I have ever felt. But the second I let myself get depressed or anxious over a friend, or over something financial, or over something I didn’t do that I should have done to “stay productive”, I lose sight of that simple but powerful message really fast. It’s honestly SO frustrating how quickly I lose sight of it, and start putting my satisfaction in other things other than Him. It’s CRAZY how my mind just defaults to the same empty cartons that I have relied on so foolishly to fill my cup. It’s a constant and arduous weeding of your mental garden, a never-ending psychological discipline to rely FULLY on the Lord and nothing else in your life. And at times, it’s HARD. Really, really hard. Especially when it seems like everything in your life is falling apart, because that is when God’s love doesn’t seem to be revealing itself physically in your life. 

So I have felt God speak to me, and He has told me very clearly to 1) Stop putting my confidence in things that do not satisfy or have any real value and 2) To use my truly humble writing skill to write a book about how to experience, and keep the forever lasting satisfaction that only God’s perfect love can bring. I know… I am such an expert on this right? Not really. But I really believe that God wants me to share my experiences with this so that others can benefit from it, and come closer to Jesus. I am not sure how long it will take to write, I mean sometimes I feel like I haven’t even lived enough years to even be qualified to write such a book. But the hardest experiences/seasons in my life have ALL been caused by one thing: not relying fully on Jesus and His love. And, on one not so remarkable day when I was dealing with one of the hardest experiences of my life, He spoke to me as clear as day that what I needed to do was to trust and rely on His love for full satisfaction. He also told me that until then, I would not experience what special plan He had in store for me. That particular experience I want to share in my book, and in a later blog post because without me knowing it at the time, it really changed the trajectory of my life. 

So even though I may not be the most qualified, or even the best writer for the job, I truly believe that God has put me on a mission to share my experiences so that others can grow closer to Jesus through them. I definitely do not claim to be the most knowledgeable, or skilled, but I know that Jesus will give me the words to say, and the ears and hearts of those who need to hear it so badly. I really look forward to sharing more with y’all, and if you could (and if you have made it this far), hold me accountable to this mission. This is something I feel strongly about, and that I want to finish. Having ADHD means that I am stellar at starting things… and abysmal at finishing them. So please, if you see me, and remember what I have said here, ask me how that mission is going, and how God is progressing it, and that will be just what I need to keep going. 

I love y’all, and can’t wait to share more about recent life updates, and what else God is doing in my life. For now, that’s all, but as always, I’ll be back! 🙂 

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

Matthew 10:38-39