Its never easy going down the path less traveled on. As a Christian, I have chosen to go down the narrow path. However, little did I know that my marriage to Nick would lead me down an even more narrow path.

Nick is gone again for three weeks, but this time I won’t hear from him at all. The survival school that he just embarked on is nothing short of brutal and agonizing, so prayers for him during this time would be extremely appreciated.

So much of the military spouse life has been trial by error for me. I knew that being with Nick wouldn’t be easy, but I didn’t fully understand that it meant putting Nick’s career above my own. By no means do I regret it, I would not change it even if I could. It has just involved so much more change than I expected.

Now let me be clear. I am by NO means saying that I am more special, or exceptional than anyone else because I am a military spouse, and I hope that is not the message that my readers think I am sending. There are SO many other military spouses and soldiers that have it worse than my husband and I, so I am not going to pretend that I am them, or even that I am going to be them in the future. I think police officers and their wives are even more extraordinary and resilient than many military spouses, including myself. Those extremely strong women are especially incredible in my mind. My husband and I are extremely blessed, and excited for what God has for us and our future family.

I guess what I am mainly trying to do is just share what my experience has been like, and how it has impacted my life as a Christian woman. In my last blog post, I semi-shared about my college experience, and how I never really knew what I wanted to do. I knew that I loved to write, and that I was good at writing, but I let people put a finger in my face and tell me that it wasn’t going to support me later on in life. So I let people decide what my future was going to be for me, in a way.

If you know me, like really know me, then you know that I am SUPER anti-conflict. In fact, I can be sort of a doormat. I would rather help people and let them use me to help themselves then stand up and say “Hey, thats not healthy.” I have gotten way better at standing up for myself, but in other ways I haven’t. I am pretty sensitive, and I really love helping others and giving to others even if it means sacrificing myself.

The military spouse life is all about giving, and sacrifice. In a way, it is perfect for me and how God made me. In other ways, it has been extremely challenging. I have had to sacrifice things that I never thought I would have to sacrifice. No stable home, constantly starting over with friends and doctors, struggling to find a good job, always changing churches, being far from loved ones and family, the list goes on. My goal here though isn’t to complain and say, “Oh woe is me.” I don’t regret the road I have chosen. I chose it, and I take full responsibility. But I also want to emphasize that this road is not for everyone. It is for the few that can successfully endure, adapt, and thrive in constantly unstable circumstances.

So far, I have lived in Washington, California, Oregon, North Carolina, and now Alabama. I have no idea what God has in store for us next, and that is both exciting, and terrifying. But I can tell you, that God holds everything that I am anxious and worried about, and that he cares deeply about our future. I know that this journey is only bringing me closer to Him everyday, and that is the only thing that REALLY matters down here. In my last blog post, I emphasized the the struggle that is life, and how God reveals himself to us even more in the struggle. Without the struggle, we can’t understand how incredible, unfathomable, perfect, and infinite His love is for us.

So I do not regret going down this narrow road. Even though it has shown me how truly weak, unequipped, flawed, impatient, selfish, and sensitive I am, it is making me a better person every day. It challenges me, it fuels me, it pushes me to seek Jesus out, and persevere when my life looks so bleak. The military spouse life is an under-appreciated honor, and in many ways a privilege; but it isn’t for everyone. Its meant for those who can sacrifice themselves, and put God, their spouse, and their family above themselves.

Once again, by no means am I praising myself. I know that there are many couples out there who face extreme hardship, and who, against all odds, get through it and stay standing. My main goal is to share my personal experiences, what I have learned, and inspire others to keep going no matter what they are going through.

However, the military spouse life is very unique, and a life that I never thought I would choose for myself. It has pushed me so hard, and taught me so much about love, life, God, and hardship. I deal with anxiety and depression every day sometimes because of the difficulties that this life brings. Its hard to surrender sometimes, especially when you want to make something of yourself too. But it has taught me to surrender my life and ambitions to God, and trust in His plan for my life instead of my plan. I know deep down that He has something SO much better for me than what I have for myself. I just have to remember to surrender to Him everyday, which is a big challenge in itself.

I love you all, and look forward to sharing more of my journey with you. Thank you all so much for your prayers and support, they mean the absolute world. Always keep God first, and know that He will always bring you back to Him when you fall short. 🙂