Sometimes, it’s hard to be positive about life. It’s hard to be happy, and it’s hard to feel motivated. Today has definitely been one of those days for me. I literally stepped outside to let my dog out, felt the heat and humidity on my skin, and said to myself in my head, “Yep, not going outside today.” This is a decision I am faced with every single day… and if I was to be completely honest, I choose the AC 90% of the time.

This North Carolina heat and humidity has definitely taken some getting used to. However, lately I have been reluctant to even get used to it. It usually just drags and weighs me down, and if I am feeling especially fatigued or crappy, it drags me down even more so. At night though, and sometimes in the evenings, I really enjoy going outside to see all the wildlife that teems in my front and backyard. Nick and I have seen lizards, bunnies, dragonflies, fireflies (or as the people here like to call them, lightning bugs), crickets, and butterflies. Even seeing the wide variety of spiders and bugs around my yard brings me happiness and ignites my spark of curiosity. Moments like this, little blips of curiosity and wonder, definitely help me in my daily quest for happiness and positivity.

Lately, fatigue and the lack of motivation have been my very close companions. These companions are often whispering in my ear, dictating to me what I should and should not do… and, once again, if I was to be honest, I listen to them. I am the kind of person that is easily affected by external factors, such as the heat or the cold, but I am also heavily affected by emotional factors, such as depression or anxiety. Although I would consider myself a pretty sensitive person, I can be a very strong person when I need to be. Naturally, however, I would consider myself a very low energy person. I struggle with finding within my self the strength that I need to get through every single day. Sometimes I wake up, and I just don’t want to wake up. I give in to my companions, and I choose the more discouraging path.

I know that this idea of giving into fatigue, depression, and anxiety is not uncommon. It is something that we all deal with at one point or another. Much of my fatigue is linked to my thyroiditis, however I know that even without my thyroiditis, I am prone to thoughts of self-doubt, insecurity, anxiety, and depression. That is me, that is who I am. But lately, I have realized that the only thing that I can do to fight and defeat these feelings is to boldly go. It is a choice that I sometimes (well, a lot of times) side-step when I wake up, but a choice that I have been frequently coming back to in the afternoon. It is mainly a change in mindset, despite how I am feeling. Sometimes it causes me to be more physically productive. At other times, it helps me focus way more on God’s word and what He is trying to tell me that day. My mind is weird in that, I ll sometimes prioritize physical productivity over leaning on God’s word and wisdom, when in reality it is God’s word and wisdom that usually puts me in a better mindset to be physically productive. I think its because sometimes, I don’t feel like I am being productive when I am sitting down and reading God’s word. My mind is overactive, and often veers away from the word to think about other things that are worrying me or giving me anxiety. This is my constant battle, and I am sure it is a battle that many of you experience as well. I so often let my insecurities and emotions get in the way and deter me from the path that, in reality, is the most productive and positive path. When I choose to boldly go, despite how I am feeling, I sometimes fail. I bring myself down, and I fall back into the whispers of my two unhealthy companions. But even when I fail, God is gracious enough to come beside me still, and remind me that He is with me, and that I am never alone. This gives me hope, and helps set my confidence in Him and Him alone.

So that is my message for you today, to boldly go no matter how you are feeling. Somedays you will fail, maybe even miserably like myself. But God is always there to remind us that we are His, and that the Holy Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead is in us (those who believe) and waiting to be used. If you are like me you are stumbling around trying to figure out how to consistently access this power we have in Christ. If you are even more like me, you are also trying to figure out how to do life on a day to day basis. If you are even MORE like me, you are also faced with the serious and daily decision of whether to go outside or not (I am sure I am the only one in that lol!). Just know that you are never alone. Your feelings, insecurities, and struggles matter to God, and at the end of the day, He is the only one that can give you the strength and hope that you need to boldly go successfully.